"Don't wait for answers, Just take your chances, Don't ask me why" ~ Billy Joel

The last two weeks have been uneventful, yet not all at the same time. I'm not sure how that's possible, but let me explain so it makes sense.

My husband took me to a Rock Concert, it was awesome, however, my foot flared up from a very short walk and a couple of stairs.

I'm trying to adjust to life a disabled person, physical therapy is at a stand still, I've had to go back onto my crutches, noted an increased inability to maneuver on my left limb.

I cried when I went to price out the rental on a wheel chair to go on vacation with my family. I realized that I am disabled, differently abled, special..etc. but do not like it, because I feel I am admitting to myself that I will never again run. I have for the past few months held tightly to the hope that if I have my lumbar blocks that I would return to the pain free mobile woman that I use to be. Now I have to figure that I am not, and won't.

I'm trying to adjust to this, figure out what makes me flare up and what doesn't, but it's never the same. The inability to walk heel to toe, and well..it's kind of crazy what can happen to a person with RSD in 14 days.

With my husband to help me with groceries, I realized that if it wasn't for PT appointments I would not have to leave my house, and that's scary thought. How easy it is for a person to become a shut in, and look forward to the visits from the Jehovah's Witnesses and who all else comes door to door.

I have been having conversions with God, asking for signs and receiving them. I've been reading, lots of reading, and wondering..exploring possibilities and ideas for the rest of my life.

I've considered taking up sewing, as that I find it hard to find clothes I like and don't want to wear pj pants all the time.

Sometimes I feel I am without a purpose, though I have three sons, without a job to get up for every morning, and some place to be, I wonder sometimes why I get up in the morning.

So, I take it day by day and sometimes hour by hour, but sometimes that can be a hard thing to do. I try to do something normal, like go to a concert, and I spend the next day in bed. I try to go on a field trip with one of my boys and spend the next day unable to put weight on my foot or get out of bed. Violently sick, trying to figure out how I'm going to get to the bathroom to vomit without putting weight on my foot to get there. So it's hard to tell what's going to happen. Like I've said before, when I try to be normal, try to do normal things, I always pay for it with horrible pain afterwards, and it's not fair. It's the burden I've been given but I don't have to like it, I just have to figure out a way to deal with it.

So, as I'm dealing with it, I'm know that I'm too stubborn to ask for help some days, and sometimes I wonder why more people don't ask to help, though I'm not sure if I would take them up on the offer...

There it is two weeks in the life of a person with RSD....trying to deal.