A month goes by....

And here we are July almost in the record books, and still I cope with the changes of my life. While things improve, things stay the same and things become less bearable.

Five months of having a disease with a name, less then that since Worker's Compensation agreed I have the disease, but the beautiful thing is they agree, and therefore we move on. I am able to move around most days with out my cane, but my foots swells so, I'm able to wear little else but flip flops. I am proud to say that my stubbornness keeps me mobile. Funny how my stubbornness and vanity is a good thing when it comes to Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy.

I often think even if no one reads this, it doesn't matter because it's therapeutic for me to put this out here. I have new medication that is slowly allowing me to attempt to reclaim my lost half a life...however, it gives me a false sense of wellness that I pay for at a later date. I am able to function at a higher degree then I was, i.e. I am not lethargic and catatonic on the living room couch anymore. I am able to get out to my therapy and doctor appointments and on good days accomplish a few errands before my body tells me enough is enough. My knee is giving out less and less, as my foot swells more and more, give a little to get a little. As I said things improve, get worse and remain the same.

I never thought not working would affect me as much as it does, I have grown depressed from the inability to work, and I wonder when I may be able to return to the workforce, but know in heart of hearts that I would now become that employee that calls in sick frequently, only because my disease is so unpredictable from one day to the other, one minute from the other, one activity to the other. How pitiful it is to go from the "Go To It Girl" to having to force myself to leave my bed in the morning in fear that if I don't it may not get another chance to leave it at all. Maybe I should call this one "Don't Cry For Me Argentina"... or "Poor, Poor Pitiful Me".

Alas, there you have it, I have done a lot this month, and paid for every single bit of physically. How when we are healthy we take for granted going on a family vacation. I can't survive for 30 minutes in a vehicle without pain, let alone the four hour stretches we took on our travels with our boyos this July. We did manage a vacation that was full of memories for our boys, but I paid for it, with a long recoup period, and frequent use of my TENS unit and pain medications got me through the trip. That will be the last road trip for this family. I couldn't even share the driving with my husband because I can not drive more then a half hour a day. Driving restrictions are tough, and even worse is trying to drive at night when you have become out of practice. Roads can become a scary place.

And there we are...another day/week/month in the life of me.