"Survivor" ~ Destiny's Child

"I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up,  I'm not gon' stop, I'm gonna work harder, I'm a survivor,
I'm gonna make it, I will survive, Keep on survivin', I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up, 
I'm not gon' stop, I'm gonna work harder, I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive,
Keep on survivin'."

I sit here surrounded by sheets of paper and balls of yarn.  Scribbled algebraic symbols and problems all over different slips of paper as I try to move my way through Algebra. The mind of Mrs. Suzie Kelleher didn't understand Algebra when she was Ms. Suzie Messier and in High School trying to figure it out the first go round, she sure the heck isn't getting it was what we call "RSD Brain".  The yarns from Cascade Yarns, Manos del Uruguay, Colinette's and sample of other yarns surround me as I try to decide which yarns will going my shop for the Grand Opening, and which ones I will purchase later as begin to build my inventory for my yarn & bead shop.  Knitting needles and crochet hooks peek out from "TO-DO" lists and reminders of all kinds.

Yes I have RSD, but what is it someone said "it doesn't have me".  I went down the dark horrible road of depression, where I thought I wouldn't see the day when I could play with my children, not that I'm there yet, but at one point I could hardly walk, today with my special drug cocktail my pain is lower, most days it's a steady 2-3 and when it spikes I have meds for that and I stay in bed and it goes down to where I can function again.  I haven't done Ketamine, and I'm not qualified to discuss meds with anyone, but for me, what has worked for me, is my meds, physical therapy and massage therapy.  That's right massage therapy  having someone touch my leg, making me reassociate with my limb.  It's there, it's part of me, and it hasn't made the pain go away totally, but it has become bearable.

My foot is still cold, it still swells, it still turns purple, I've still gone up a shoe size, still prefer to wear loose pants because of the tightness of different fabrics on my leg makes me feel like I'm "suffocating".  I still wear thick heavy socks, I still favor my good side to my bad side, but yet, I'm able to walk better now.

I'm not cured, I'm just surviving.  Day to Day, that's all we can do when we have this horrible disease.  So I'm going to be a business owner. You're all probably thinking, "How the hell are you going to do that?" and I say to you "Family".  If I have a bad day, and I just can't get there and do it, I have family who can and will do it for me.  Their help is going to enable me to fulfill a dream, of going back to work, and being useful. I will have a purpose once again.  I will continue to survive one day at a time.